Ayaan ko aaj bhi apni maa k hathon ki thandak yaad thi.
Garmiyon mein bhi, jab wo uske baal seedhe karti, to uski ungliyon ki thandak Ayaan ke sar mein utar jaati aur uski goud hamesha mehfooz lagti thi. Bachpan mein jab bhi ghar mein awaaz buland hoti, Ayaan seedha usi goud mein ja kar chup jata.
Doctor Saeed ko ye baat pasand nahi thi.
“Bachay zyada laadle ho jaen to kamzor ho jate hain,” wo aksar kehte. Unki awaaz mein gussa kam, yaqeen zyada hota tha. Aisa yaqeen jo sawal bardasht nahi karta.
Ayaan tab 7 saal ka bachcha tha. Usey sirf itna mehsoos hota tha ke jab walid ghar mein hotay, hawa bhari bhari si ho jaati. Aur jab maa paas hoti, saans lena asaan lagta.
Ayaan ab 35 saal ka tha. Chehra patla, halki darhi, khushk hont, rang safed lekin thora bujha hua. Aankhon gehri neeli lekin un mein aik aisi thakan thi jo neend se theek nahi hoti.
Us ne Darwaza khola to farsh ki lakri ne halki si awaaz ki. Ayaan ruk gaya. Is awaaz mein kuch jana-pehchana tha jaise ghar usey pehchan gaya ho. Wo andar aaya to mehsoos hua ke is ghar mein kabhi hansna mana nahi tha… bas uski zarurat nahi samjhi jaati thi.
Uski maa, Samina, kam bolne wali aurat thi. Uski khamoshi mein shikayat nahi hoti thi sirf bardasht hota tha. Wo aksar Ayaan ke liye chup rehti, aur shayad isi liye thak chuki thi. Doctor Saeed ke saamne wo apni baat poori nahi karti thi, jaise jaanti ho ke kuch jangain pehle hi haar chuki hoti hain.
Us raat bhi aisa hi hua.
Ayaan se bas itni si ghalti hui thi ke uske haath se glass gir gaya tha. Sheesha tootne ki awaaz ghar mein bohat tez lag rahi thi. Doctor Saeed ka chehra sakht ho gaya tha. Samina ne foran Ayaan ka haath pakar liya zor se nahi, bas ghabrahat mein.
“Kamray mein jao,” usne kaha.
Uski awaaz kaanp rahi thi.
Ayaan kamray mein chala gaya, lekin uske kaan bahar hi lage rahe. Walid ki buland awaaz, maa ki dheemi si guzarish. Phir sab kuch achanak bohat tez ho gaya jaise waqt ne raftaar badal li ho.
Kamray ke andar hawa bhari hui thi. Ayaan ne darwaza kholna chaha. Darwaza nahi khula. Usne poori taqat se dhakka diya.
Aur phir… sirf aik awaaz.
Aaj, itne saalon baad, haweli ke andar qadam rakhte hue Ayaan ko mehsoos hua k uski maa aj b uska andr intzar kr rai hogi. Wo andar dakhil hua pr wahan koi nahi tha bs dewaron par latki tasveeren adhoori aankhon walay chehray usay aise dekh rahi theen jaise pooch rahi hon ke tum ab kyun aaye ho?
Corridor ke aakhir mein aik darwaza tha.
Baaki darwazon jaisa nahi tha.
Zyada khamosh. Zyada bhaari.
Aakhri Kamra.
Bachpan mein Ayaan ne dekha tha ke maa is darwaze ke paas se guzarte hue apni raftaar tez kar leti thi. Jaise yahan ruk jana koi gunah ho.
Wo agy barha darwaza k samne khara hua or usy kholne k liye handle pakra. Lakri thandi thi ghair-maamooli taur par thandi. Darwaza khula to kamra khaali nahi laga, balkay intezaar karta hua mehsoos hua.
Kamra bohat saadah tha. Beech mein aik kursi. Samne aik bara sheesha. Koi khirki nahi, koi tasveer nahi. Is saadgi mein aik sakht baat chhupi hui thi yahan kuch bhi chhupaya nahi ja sakta tha.
Sheeshay ke paas aik purani diary aur aik tape recorder rakha tha.
Ayaan ne diary uthai. Diary k safhe peelay ho chukay thay. Walid ki handwriting foran pehchan mein aa gayi seedhi, saaf, aur bay-reham.
“Aakhri Kamra tasalli ke liye nahi hota. Sach ke liye hota hai.”
Uska gala khushk ho gaya.
Tape recorder par likha tha:
Session #47 – Subject: Ayaan Saeed.
Ayaan hairan hua.
“Subject… main?”
Usne play button dabaya.
Walid ki awaaz ubhri is baar gusse mein nahi, thakan mein.
“Ayaan… tum ne zindagi bhar khud ko gunehgaar samjha. Shayad is liye ke main ne tumhein poora sach kabhi btaya hi nahi.”
Ayaan ne kursi par baith kar apne haath ghutnon par rakh liye. Ungliyan thandi hoti ja rahi theen.
Diary ke beech aik alag kagaz tha zyada murra hua, jaise baar baar palta gaya ho.
“Ayaan se sach chupana meri himmat nahi, meri kamzori thi.”
Us jumlay ke saath Ayaan ke zehan mein yaadein jurrne lageen maa ka haath, uski awaaz, us raat ka darr.
“Samina ne mujhe nahi, tumhein bachana chaha.”
Ayaan ne aankhen band kar li. Is dafa tasveer adhoori nahi thi.
Maa ka usay kamray mein bhejna. Uski awaaz mein gussa nahi sirf darr. Darwaza khulna. Aur maa ka seedhiyon ke qareeb hona.
Diary ka agla jumla:
“Darwaza tum ne dhakka diya. Girna uska naseeb bana.”
Ayaan ki saans atak gayi. Uske jism mein wahi thandak phail gayi bilkul maa ke haathon jaisi.
Tape dobara boli:
“Wo hadsa tha. Lekin hadson ke baad bhi log zinda rehte hain. Tum aur main dono ne khamoshi ko chuna.”
Diary ka aakhri jumla:
“Sach ilaaj nahi hota. Sach sirf bardasht kiya jata hai.”
Ayaan ne diary band kar di. Uske haath bojhal ho kar god mein gir gaye. Seene ka wazan aik dum se khatam nahi hua bas usay naam mil gaya tha.
Guilt.
Magar is dafa ye andhi guilt nahi thi. Is dafa iske saath samajh bhi thi.
Usne sheeshe mein dekha. Chehra ajnabi nahi laga. Sirf bohat udaas laga. Aisa chehra jo bachpan se hi kisi ke keh dene ka intezar karta raha ho ke tum sirf bacha thay.
“Main bacha tha,” usne dheemi awaaz mein kaha.
Phir thori dair baad:
“Magar main akela nahi tha.”
Kamray ki khamoshi ne is baat ko jhutlaya nahi.
Ayaan ne mehsoos kiya ke kuch dard maaf nahi hote… magar samjhe ja sakte hain. Aur jab dard samajh aa jaye, to wo insaan ko khatam nahi karta bas usay badal deta hai.
Ayaan ne sheeshe mein dekha.
Is dafa sirf uska chehra nahi tha.
Do chehray thay.
Ek muskurata hua… bilkul walid jaisa.
Wo uth kar kamray se bahar aa gaya.
Darwaza band ho gaya magr wo such jo us se chupaya gya tha wo khul gya.
Kyun k….
Kabhi kabhi band kamra dimagh hota hai… aur sab se khofnaak sach wahi rehta hai.